Assisted Reproduction Clinic Fertility Infertility

What you MUST NOT say to someone struggling with infertility

A frequently occurring situation you might find yourself in is when you go to buy an ovulation test and are reading through the information on the packet, the well-intentioned shop assistant comes over to help. The first thing she asks, even though the answer is obvious, is if you are trying to get pregnant and if you are having problems. The next thing she will do, if she is a mother herself, will be to tell you all about her own experience of getting pregnant, which went something like this: “I didn’t even start taking folic acid; I got pregnant so quickly.” And finally, to add insult to injury, she will give you the lowdown on her three marvellous pregnancies.


Hastily, you pick up any old test, wanting only to get out of there as quickly as possible. The fact is this type of situation can happen in a range of places. The shop assistant thought that she was helping you by starting up a conversation. She didn’t stop to think about what you might be going through and the effect her seemingly unimportant words might have.

Along the way, you will have to hear about how fertile some women are. Other women will give you advice, like: “Your problem is that you are stressed out. You need to relax!” And yet others will ask you that time old question: “Have you thought about adopting?

There is also the tired and wrought out mum, who says: “If you want kids, I’ll give you mine so that you can find out what it’s really like.” This kind of talk does nothing to help. It’s not even funny, but it happens a lot.

Older women will tell you that you are still young, that you still have time and that you will get pregnant at some point. But you know, despite what they say, your biological clock is not ticking at the same pace as the rest of your body, something that these women haven’t even considered. And when fertility is concerned, being young is no guarantee. You can never know what problems other people face.

Feel relieved you don’t have to make the sacrifice. Travel. Have fun.” Give thanks to your parents for having you and your brothers and sisters, and carry on having fun. Travel. They don’t seem like typical parents with the number of times you hear them say this.

While you are trying for a baby, have fun having lots of sex“. This one is priceless. In fact, taking urine samples and measuring hormone levels before having sex makes the sexual act far more functional and couples often find that it is no longer fun.

Of course, it is obvious that nobody is trying to be intentionally hurtful when they say this sort of thing. However, if you are having to deal with infertility, these words can be really hurtful, regardless of the fact that it is emotional not physical pain.

The best course of action is to choose carefully who you want to confide in, making sure that it is someone who will listen to you and provide their unconditional support. This person will not try to pretend that they feel the pain you are feeling, pain that they are not experiencing themselves. This person will listen to you without making judgements and will always be there, by your side throughout the process, without subjecting you to their own opinions too often.

ProcreaTec does not just aim to be your fertility clinic but also help you so that your experience throughout this process affects your emotional well-being as little as possible. To achieve this, our medical team consists of doctors, biologists and other specialists who are highly experienced in fertility. They will talk to you and offer advice, assuring you that you are in trusted hands, making you confident to continue with the process without feeling undue stress. 

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